My 17-year-old daughter retired from her 10-year career in competitive gymnastics in September of last year. It wasn’t her choice, but her body was giving out on her. She had a back injury that would not heal, and after we had exhausted all options, she came to me with tears in her eyes. “I think I know what I need to do,” she said. I pulled her to my side and I held her in my arms, as my heart broke for her and the loss she was on the precipice of experiencing. I told her that she didn’t have to go to school the next day, instead I wanted her to take her journal and her Bible to the beach (her favorite place) and pray about the direction God wanted her to go. Here is what she came home with…
"When you look up what the definition of pain is, this is what first comes up: “physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury”. The pain I endured for two very long years was that and more. I was in constant battle with my body but also with my mind. Physically I hurt. A pain skyrocketed through my back through all the pounding, twisting, and tumbling, my sport brought. I was a gymnast for all my life, and have had a handful of injuries, but my back was something different. It started as something acute and manageable. However it slowly progressed from a small ache, to a sharp pain that would reach to a 8/10 on some of those highly demanding practices leading up to competition season. You see, I was a level 9 gymnast still on the course of becoming a collegiate athlete. So, there was no thought in my mind that I was going to miss the competition season. That season of 2023, I did compete, but to be honest it was the most draining, physically torturing and mentally straining season I had ever gone through. The pain limited my abilities, but I fought past those limitations and pushed through on my own. This not only furthered my pain, but caused me to fall into a very poor mental state. I wasn’t doing well at practice because I hurt. I wasn’t competing to my full potential because I hurt. I wasn’t me because I hurt.
My mom is one of the most empathetic people I know, and saw me in this state of overwhelming physical and mental pain. Physically she did everything she could. She sent me to doctors, multiple physical therapists, acupuncturists, and the list of doctors goes on and on. Doctors couldn’t pinpoint what was causing the pain, so I just continued to wrestle with it for the next 2 years. It became part of my life, being in pain was just the way I lived. My mom was there for me every day though. I am not one to show emotions quite openly, but my mom still always knew when I needed her. On those especially hard days, when the thought of quitting the sport I love due to my back would creep in. She knew. She would just sit with me. Pray for me. And say, 'How can I help? '
The pain in my back would continue on into the following season in 2024, where I had to decide to not compete. I took an extremely long break to heal the pain. But it just crept right back in. There were good days and bad days. By August 2024 the pain had just become too much. I was physically, emotionally, and mentally drained from the pain my back had caused me. I decided to quit gymnastics and retire from the sport. My back is still not free of pain. But ever since I have retired, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I am the best version of myself right now, and don’t think I could've made it here without the amazing support system I have around me. Those like my mom, who saw me in my pain and suffering, and chose to sit with me, and ride the rollercoaster of ups downs, twists & turns, lows, and highs, no matter what the pain threw at me, I always had a soft place to land."
Together we cried, together we prayed, and together we let it all go. I have always told my kids to create a world for themselves that is well rounded and focused on God. And more often than I would like, the world tests them on that. The older they get, the more limited I am to be able to fix things for them. But the truth is, “fixing” their lives was never my job. My job was to love them, to nurture their talents, and to point each of their beautiful hearts toward God. I am grateful for a God who knows and loves each of my children with a ferocity that rivals my own. There was nothing I could do to save her from the end of this chapter, and nothing I could do to heal her. But God reminded me that He still held her, even when the world let her go. This world is full of so much beauty…and so much pain but through it all, each of us have a choice to seek out our “soft place to land.”
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33